Giving and receiving love is oftentimes a desire (and even a goal) for most people. Society teaches us the power (and fear) that comes with giving and receiving love from others, so much so that it's celebrated. At one point, our society appeared to be obsessed with love, more specifically granting and gaining that level of validation from external factors. It can create insecurities to a point where some may even feel the need to try and convince others to like and even love them, which, for some, can equate itself to conditional acceptance. However, what about self-love? Some households and cultures do not acknowledge or prioritize self-love. Why is loving oneself so overlooked?

      In order to search for (and maintain) love and acceptance, it is important to first love and accept yourself. When we begin to love ourselves and accept ourselves, we treat ourselves, accordingly, thereby better deciphering healthy from toxic and conditional from unconditional. Introducing self-love into our internal script and putting it into practice has the potential to lower anxiety and depression, as well as to offer a more realistic (and even positive) self-perception. When individuals aren't taught or encouraged self-love, it is possible (but not necessarily 100% guaranteed) for individuals to unconsciously make room for and validate others' criticisms and projected insecurities; meaning that we tend to adopt others' opinions and criticisms as our own personal definition. Below are some steps toward self-love:

1.) Identify the source of your current internal narrative: When you replay the negative self-talk and the criticisms, whose voice do you hear? A parent? Spouse? Friend? Co-worker? Your own? Identifying the source gives you a starting point. Oftentimes, we hear the criticisms and quickly react or respond. Hardly ever do we slow down and research the origin of the problem.

2.)  Allow yourself to challenge the narrative: Is there any truth to the narrative? If so, does this truth cause you distress? Enough distress to change the situation? If not, identify how that makes you feel.

3.)  Introduce and redefine words into your everyday narrative: People oftentimes overuse and misuse the word "happy". Happiness is subjective; meaning the definition differs from person to person. And while we may not fully attain happiness in every aspect of our lives (or even within ourselves), it is possible to attain a level of contentment. To be content is to be satisfied. Satisfaction can lead to happiness, but happiness will not always mean satisfaction.

4.) Never mistake Quantity for Quality: Quality and Quantity are NOT interchangeable! Seeking validation from several people is great if you respect the opinions, value systems, and lifestyles of the several individuals. Too often we seek positive feedback from a multitude of people, however we can also find ourselves "emotionally flattened" by 1 person's criticism. When seeking validation, start from within and work your way outward. Always check with yourself first before looking for acceptance from others; otherwise, you will be living for other people.

5.) Forgive your "flaws" and accept your assets: More often than not, you are your own biggest critic! Any mistakes or "wrong turns" you have made in your life have helped you to grow as a human being. It is through our darkest and most vulnerable times that we experience the most growth in our development. Own who you are inside and out and if you find something about yourself that you don't like, find a healthy way to address it and fix it (quick fixes do not equate to long-term fixes!).

At the end of the day, when we love ourselves, we treat ourselves better and as a result we move differently, behave differently, love differently.....in other words we GLOW differently. By loving ourselves and treating ourselves better we tend to attract others who treat us accordingly.